Yesterday was Friday. The last official Friday of the school year, for the kids. I must admit, this is a funny time of year. Some of the kids are really coming together, the way I wanted them to. Some of them are falling apart in front of me. Last year I had a student, who we will call Charming. Why? Because he was. He was so smart and sweet and with a spunky attitude to boot! His situation was a sad one. He started his year with me as a homeless student. No home to call their own. His mother was dating a man and they lived with him, but towards the end of the year they broke up and she found herself without a home again. And a car. They lived in a hotel and she rented a car, which she didn't pay for. To make a long story short, she was arrested for nonpayment and they had to stay with a short term foster parent to end the year until "dad" came to get them from out of state. His financial situation wasn't much better. I watched a brilliant, charismatic boy fall apart before my very eyes because his world of consistency and order (from 8-3:30) was about to end. It broke my heart.
I don't know what happened with Charming. He didn't come back to school this year and I can only hope that he found somewhere safe to be and a consistent life that would support his potential. I watch as some of my students, and other teachers' students fall apart. We look at our kids and wonder why they behave so badly at the end of the year, but we fail to see what is really going on.
I love the people who look at me and say, "Ah... the life of a teacher. Summers off. Must be nice." I know it's not nice, but I want to slap them when they say it. I don't sit around eating bonbons and reading stories all day. I work my butt off. I get there early and work non stop till the buses roll. I get, if I am lucky, a 20 minute lunch break to eat as fast as I can, and that is IF I don't have a student who needs something during my lunch. I spend my "planning" periods in meetings or working in my room. I work after school and still take home papers to grade. I spend my free time reading about how to be better and thinking of ways to target my students who aren't successful and ways to target my students who are so successful they are getting bored. When I am there, I have every single one of my senses turned on full blast so that I can hear, see and smell everything that goes on in my room. After all, who wants to be the teacher who missed something happen? You have to be cognizant of everything around you all the time.
And then the end of the year comes. You think you are exhausted and ready for summer break, but you are really just eager to start thinking of more for next year. You look around and see that while some of those kids are ready to go, others are scared of the end. And I get to spend all summer worried about whether or not they'll eat every day, get love every day, and whether or not they will read often.
Those people who envy my summers off... they wouldn't last a week as teacher. At least not a good one. The end is near, and I think I might already miss my kids a little.
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