The End is Near... and Summer Begins

Yesterday was Friday. The last official Friday of the school year, for the kids. I must admit, this is a funny time of year. Some of the kids are really coming together, the way I wanted them to. Some of them are falling apart in front of me. Last year I had a student, who we will call Charming. Why? Because he was. He was so smart and sweet and with a spunky attitude to boot! His situation was a sad one. He started his year with me as a homeless student. No home to call their own. His mother was dating a man and they lived with him, but towards the end of the year they broke up and she found herself without a home again. And a car. They lived in a hotel and she rented a car, which she didn't pay for. To make a long story short, she was arrested for nonpayment and they had to stay with a short term foster parent to end the year until "dad" came to get them from out of state. His financial situation wasn't much better. I watched a brilliant, charismatic boy fall apart before my very eyes because his world of consistency and order (from 8-3:30) was about to end. It broke my heart.
I don't know what happened with Charming. He didn't come back to school this year and I can only hope that he found somewhere safe to be and a consistent life that would support his potential. I watch as some of my students, and other teachers' students fall apart. We look at our kids and wonder why they behave so badly at the end of the year, but we fail to see what is really going on.

I love the people who look at me and say, "Ah... the life of a teacher. Summers off. Must be nice." I know it's not nice, but I want to slap them when they say it. I don't sit around eating bonbons and reading stories all day. I work my butt off. I get there early and work non stop till the buses roll. I get, if I am lucky, a 20 minute lunch break to eat as fast as I can, and that is IF I don't have a student who needs something during my lunch. I spend my "planning" periods in meetings or working in my room. I work after school and still take home papers to grade. I spend my free time reading about how to be better and thinking of ways to target my students who aren't successful and ways to target my students who are so successful they are getting bored. When I am there, I have every single one of my senses turned on full blast so that I can hear, see and smell everything that goes on in my room. After all, who wants to be the teacher who missed something happen? You have to be cognizant of everything around you all the time.

And then the end of the year comes. You think you are exhausted and ready for summer break, but you are really just eager to start thinking of more for next year. You look around and see that while some of those kids are ready to go, others are scared of the end. And I get to spend all summer worried about whether or not they'll eat every day, get love every day, and whether or not they will read often.

Those people who envy my summers off... they wouldn't last a week as teacher. At least not a good one. The end is near, and I think I might already miss my kids a little.

End of the Year Blues

It's the end of the school year and I am exhausted. Most of my kids are starting to get quite unruly, just for the sheer anticipation of the summer. I, on the other hand, have mixed feelings. Suddenly my kids are doing what I wanted (academically) all year. They are reading with the delighted expression I dreamed of hearing. They are writing stories and are excited about publishing their final copies and moving on to another story. And they are complaining when the math isn't harder so they can have to work harder at it.

Who are these kids and what did they do with those other ones? (And is it mean of me to say, good riddance to those who left?) This is the hard part of the year, the final moments when we get it done, and get it right. And this is the part that makes me wish they had come to me this way to begin with. I'm glad we have our learning camp next week... Ancient Egypt here we come!

And so I guess as I let my students go to the next level (I've asked a few to stay just to hang out with me, but they've politely declined) I will begin thinking of how I can mold my new ones next year faster. And then I get a little excited about next year.

They are learning earlier and earlier...

This was an extraordinarily long week. My students (and I) are in the last stretch of the year, and they are very wiggly. I find myself more and more exhausted as the day ends, almost fighting to stay alert and awake.

Today one of my students, we'll call him Picasso, found himself in an interesting predicament. He had gotten into an altercation with another student yesterday over Pokemon cards. (I would like to write my legislator and request they be banned.) I informed him that I was just SO disappointed that I couldn't even look in his direction. He was far too smart for these actions. Later in the morning, he approached me and gave me a hug. He whispered in my ear, "I'm so sorry about getting into that fight." I told him I forgave him, but it didn't take away that I was disappointed.

So you wonder where I'm going with this. Going to lunch he stops me and says, "You know, you should really wear your hair like that more often. It looks so good." I was baffled. Like this? Like how? He says, "In a ponytail."

I wear my hair in a ponytail EVERY DAY. It doesn't start that way, but it ends that way. This day is no different. Then, of all things, he winks at me.

Wow. They are learning earlier and earlier. I don't ever remember "sweet talking" my teachers.

Babysitting

Today I took the day away from my students to spend time with my neice. My sister in law was at the hospital having a baby (yeah) and I took care of the little one at home.

I loved it! She is quite the knucklehead, but it's fun. It is amazing to me, that magical moment in a girl's life when she crosses over from "I love Dora" to "oooooohhhhh....Princesses and the Prince!" It makes my day. She even runs across the room and fake cries to be funny, the way Sleeping Beaut throws herself across the bed to cry at the injustice of being a princess who can't meet up with her mystery man from the woods. I can't wait to partake in this magical motherhood stuff... one of these days I suppose, when He's ready.

Margins

Yesterday at church we talked about margins and the importance they play in our faith and our daily lives. It struck me to my core.


Pastor Tom said that when we allow for no margin in our money and daily lives, we aren't trusting God to provide for us as needed.

I am praying for strength to put more margin in my life. To not push it to the limit with my actions and my money. To stand proudly, and let Him provide, without stressing over it.

I guess, I'm giving it to Him.
Thrive Church

Who do you work for?

I've recently found a new church to go to called Thrive. I was desperate for a church home to call my own and I really feel like I have found it. There isn't a Sunday that goes by that I feel like I'm part of something bigger than myself, and yet I don't feel lost in the crowd. Every Sunday I walk away with something that validates me and what I do, not to mention that I am able to walk away with a lesson for my life.

Last Sunday was no different. We are doing a series all about Work. This past Sunday our pastor, Tom, posed the question, "Who do you work for?" Hmmm... interesting question. I work for my school district and for the children I teach. I work for the parents who pay the taxes which pay my salary. I work for myself and my husband, our two dogs and that nutty feline of mine. I work so that we can have somewhere to live, food to eat, so on and so forth.

But that isn't right. According to the Bible, I work for HIM. I do everything in this life to bring Him glory and to ensure my place in his kingdom. Pastor Tom posed yet another interesting thought. "It doesn't matter if you HATE the place you work, as long as you work every day as if you work for Him."

And that made me think. I am SO BLESSED. I am so blessed to have had the foresight to choose a career that already brings Glory to Him. I've chosen a career that constantly keeps me guessing, motivated and working harder to be better. I work for Him, to bring the children of today an opportunity that they may not even know they have in from of them. Everyday, I work harder and harder, because I am doing God's work. Wow... how many people can say that they had the foresight to choose God's work even before they realized that it was their JOB to work as if they were working for HIM?

I must say... I think I shall pat myself on the back. :)